Category: Disability

What is Life if not a Challenge.

What are your biggest challenges?

Dear friend,

Happy New Year, this is day one of 2025 and the first year I have decided not to make any resolutions.

There are a few reasons for my decision, number one being they don’t last. I actually feel I have enough challenges ahead of me without putting anymore strain on myself.

I have a list as long as my arm some personal, some things that have to be achieved. But nevertheless all are to me big challenges for someone in my position.

When I share parts of my life it’s never for sympathy or compassion, plus I am aware that there are people far worse off than I am. I guess it all depends on where you live in this world as to how you live your life, what your home is like, running water, shops or not.

I live in the UK, my life has been a whirlwind of destruction, from the age of 12-13 till now at 58. I can remember all the good things but sometimes it’s like looking through a mist to find them. Because of the Domestic Violence I have been through.

1. Now my challenges I face are after being moved and moved by police for safety, I have never allowed myself to settle and call a place home, now the children are grown and left to start there own families , it’s time for me to accept this town and place and make it my home. So now I find myself with a place that has some heart in it but nothing is as it should be. My house is a disaster zone not a home. I have this huge challenge to turn this place into the home I want to live in and be happy with on a budget of £5 and two buttons

2. Second challenge. Due to disability I’m limited to what I can move/lift even knowing if I can stay awake longer than an hour so that’s a challenge in itself. I have to find a way of not battling this but working with it , not blaming my ex but taking back control and pacing myself so that if today is a wipe-out ok no worries here’s hoping tomorrow is better. Make no plans and go with whatever I can cope with. I have had a long time to try and manage this but the GP surgery has been less than helpful, until recently. Now with a fresh approach in my mind I’m changing this challenge from a mountain to climb to a hill to come down. As it feels like I have been stuck on a hilltop alone for so long,battling several things now I am coming down and finding myself own way that’s my challenge

3. My third challenge has been driving me mad for a long time because I have been approaching it wrong, I have been writing for as long as I can remember and I have reams of poems, two manuscripts and a couple of children’s books to put forward to look at publishing. Obviously I have to work on them, this is where I derail my own train, so I have been told. Well I am no longer in a train I am on a huge galleon ship floating on the clouds. No rails for me to come off , no water to drown in. Because the whole thing is magical there are no planes or any type of aircraft to disturb me. So my challenge here is to smoothly sail the now still clouds and finish the edits needed as my procrastination will be dealt with in challenge 2. Making this one a much smaller hill to climb I hope.

There are plenty of challenges in life, money, disability equipment i.e wheelchair, money (oh mentioned that already), mental health, ptsd, money 😁, and on it goes.

But that’s enough for today, tomorrow I start afresh, I do hope you are having a lovely day

Regards

Kim

My Dad

Describe a man who has positively impacted your life.

Hello Friend,

I felt the need to return and tell you about this man who made such a huge positive impact on my life, that sadly no man could compare to him.

My Dad, yes I know it’s easy to say ‘your dad’, please note I said Dad with pride. I did not say father. Any man can father a child in the biological sense (if able to do so medically) not all can be a Dad.

My Dad took my sister and I on when he married my mother, they went on and had a son. Dad was amazing he cared for us all even when mum left after some pretty awful things happened. Not once did he tell her to take her kids or turn on us, he provided a home, clothes, a good life.

Without this wonderful man and his love I wonder where I would be. Life has never been easy like so many of you, at least I can say my childhood and younger adulthood was amazing my children got to know their Grandad at the farm and love him almost as much as I did.

Through the curse of domestic abuse because my girls were scared and my injuries were causing my health to fail the police and social services deemed it right for us to be punished not the bully so we were uprooted from all my girls had ever known, me from friends, family and into a strange new town , by now I could no longer drive so we were stranded. So with being moved 3 times for protection, and not being allowed to contact family because one member was friends with the abuser I never got to see my Dad for the last 15yrs of his life.

I guess I had to grieve for him way before he passed away, because I had already lost him. When he died two years ago I wasn’t told , now that might seem a slightly strange comment, I assure you when people say walls have ears, and don’t trust anyone, believe them.

You may be thinking, well you were moved, no one knew where you were, wrong. my ex had found my address a few years ago but thank goodness the police had given him a warning , plus the children are adults now. Also one of my older children is in contact with a cousin who told her when Grandad, My Dad died, but she was not to tell me. That hurt so deeply. Like all things hidden they have a way of surfacing and so did my Dad’s details, the internet 🛜 keeps us informed of many things and I have always kept up with local news from my home area. When I saw Dads name I was frozen. I never got the chance to see him, but I dam well managed to go back and say my final goodbye

I have never found another man with his morals, integrity, honesty and pure loving kindness. Yes he was a religious man as in church on Sunday but that gave us a code of morals to be guided by. I know my life has been less than perfect and it grieves me but it had nothing to do with the way My Dad brought me up that was down to my poor lack of judgement and no maternal input whatsoever

Sorry for rambling on

Take care and bye for now

Oh Dear Me No

Is your life today what you pictured a year ago?

Hello my friend,

It’s so good to have caught you at this busy time of year, thank you for sparing the time to stop bye and have a chat with me.

Now a year ago I’m not saying life was perfect but it was a make do Christmas because my housing association had told me to start packing as I could expect to be moved to a suitable accommodation anytime.

I am at a disadvantage in some ways people, let me explain, I can’t walk far, from my front door to the drive and into the car is probably my limit with crutches then it’s wheelchair. My home is not suitable for a wheelchair so hence the reason for the move.

So this time last year at 57 years old I had my first make do Christmas tree and none of the usual decorations out plus half of my sitting room was filled with packed boxes. It really was a mess. My actual feelings were I can’t wait for next year everything sorted and everything in its place .

Oh be careful wishing time away or expecting things to change in a particular given way sometimes raising expectations too high means when they fall they shatter.

So here I am, 2024 December, same home. Oh don’t get me wrong I feel safe here , my housing kept putting obstacles in the way of me moving. Which was silly as I was offering to go into a smaller property. Now I am stopping here, work will start in 2025 to make it suitable for my needs.

Because of my limited capabilities I am still struggling to get the house tidy the way I want it. My children have their own lives and families and I pray they never experience the sheer soul crushing loneliness I am experiencing. I have asked them for help but that was a drop in the ocean. Next I paid for help but it got to a point I couldn’t afford that anymore, my neighbour and good friend helped as much as possible but it is not finished.

I still think that the greatest suffering is being lonely, feeling unloved, just having no one… That is the worst disease that any human being can ever experience.

Mother Teresa

I never thought I would be ignoring Christmas , no tree, decorations, or any celebrations, the reason is not just I feel my home is a trash heap, I think there is a list of factors –

  1. The proposed move that didn’t/wasn’t
  2. Cost of living is overwhelming me
  3. Sheer loneliness
  4. Worn down by life and getting knocked back each and every turn
  5. Feeling let down by life and those I love( there is a whole story to the love saga but not today)
  6. Inability to complete basic tasks on my own due to non-ability caused by domestic violence some time ago has worn me down

To reiterate, no my life is nothing like I pictured it would be, I will add not through the lack of trying

This year I have cancelled Christmas, I can’t afford it, I don’t want to sit alone with a Christmas tree in an untidy room, in a messy house. It makes it lonelier.

I definitely am not living my life how I pictured I would be this time last year

Before I sign off I have to say this is not a pity party. This is how many people have felt for years I expect. I just felt at 58 I was too young to feel so dejected, rejected, and disconnected from my family and life in general. I was the Christmas Spirit, the one that decorated, wrapped, sparkled and shone but I guess the cost of living has pulled the plug 🔌 and my lights have gone out

BUT

Bye for now my friend

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

I Liked School

What was your favorite subject in school?

Dear Friends, how are you? It is important to be aware of your own wellbeing in this modern age. Too easily we can be dragged down, our mental health impacted by our colleagues, environment, health and much more. So do always take care of yourselves, please remember what you do today in time becomes the past, treat yourself kindly.

Which leads me to my favourite subject in school

History, all aspects of history because this is the story of us, our planet and what we have done to it. History encompasses English Maths, scientific research, geography and at times an understanding of languages can help.

For me I am just fascinated by days of old , dreaming of time travel going back 50yrs a jump just to see how time changes one area, not to meet or anything but observe. That is how I imagined learning to Beal C

I was and still am a history buff a magpie.

Look I’m almost a relic myself

Up

The

Oh Boy, here goes!

What is your favorite hobby or pastime?

Good day my friends, oh what a day,

I missed you all I have to say.

Sending Smiles out through valleys over mountains tall

Just read and Share the Smiles to all.

My favourite hobby is, making, watching, using, so much to say

I love reading 📖, to date I believe I have approximately 1500 books 📚. Have I read them all? No, I have a pile of new books waiting to be read, cookery books that I flick through searching for an appropriate recipe, and various books of information as reference, so I have not read the dictionaries in 3 languages just used them for spelling words correctly. Yes I also re-read my books

I love painting, creating, craft work most types actually, my front room is at present an art studio because my shed is a mess and I simply can’t clear it on my own,

Crochet 🧶, I guess comes under craftwork but to me it is a separate hobby, I am just learning and I am quite enjoying it sat quietly at night with the tv on just making a blanket is a peaceful calming experience before bed.

I guess the absolute love above all when in the right frame of mind is writing, it may be poems or short stories or continuing with the book I am writing and one day will finish. I have to feel the words to be able to write so have taken a break for a while because I have been in a strange headspace for coming up to 18 months. But there is clearance ahead and I can go back to writing.

Lastly sitting quietly meditating and turning the noises off inside my head, dulling the pain inside my body, and breathing my way to calm and stillness

Not forgetting my Music and films and probably many other hobbies I have that I failed to mention. But that is half the fun, I open a cupboard and there is another project, like Christmas all over again.

I have time for all these hobbies because I am unable to work due to multiple health issues .

I have cPTSD , multiple medical issues, short term memory issues, disabled, p/t wheelchair user, crutches at all other times.

Majority of issues including the need for a wheelchair caused by Domestic Abuse

Take care all, big smiles love your Diva with the wheels

Successful technologies often begin as hobbies. …

What a waste(or is it).

How do you waste the most time every day?

Life isn’t as serious as the mind makes it out to be — Eckhart Tolle.

Hello my friends, I made it once again. Now my biggest waste of time and I hasten to add, as I am doing it I am aware I am wasting minutes, hours and then the day is done, is ;

No it’s not that simple I have to explain, I have difficulty moving around which makes me tired and some days I can’t hardly move so this is my waste of time, my mind numbing don’t think about my situation or how I came to be (ugh) disabled. Ok I will stop with the waffling and tell you.

My biggest waste of time is reels on Facebook and Instagram even Tik Tok. I spend hours watching, smiling, giggling, sighing, and learning at times all the while the hours pass.

Ok I’m off now to watch some fb reels

Bye for now 👋

Questions???

What is one question you hate to be asked? Explain.

We meet once more, or are you new? I’m never sure who will stumble upon these words of mine. One thing I can add is all are welcome, pull up a crate and take a moment to allow these words to filter through, as if a group of us weary world travellers were gathered around an open fire. Enjoying each other’s tales of travel and lessons learnt from amazing folk.

I welcome majority of questions, as that is how people learn, but when asked why am I in a wheelchair, that’s ok, but to keep pushing for more info with

Why? Why? WHY?

I have already said mostly due to DV (domestic violence) and then the

Why did you stay with him?

Don’t you think I ask myself that over, and over. But until you have lived my life, walked in my shoes & tied the laces up I can’t and don’t want to keep repeating the same thing over and over. Hell if I could have escaped before I would have, life is never black and white there are the grey areas and off white places that are hard to explain. We are all human and make mistakes and my mistake cost me a large part of my life but I am still here.

So be careful questions can be healthy, just understand cut off signs. Have a little empathy for people and to other people don’t be so dam moronic with what you ask or how you ask it

Speak soon I hope

Kim-Louise

A Word Sent Back

What advice would you give to your teenage self?

Dear Friend

Well here we are again, enjoying the last few days of February, waiting to see how March bursts upon us, will it be the proverbial in like a lion 🦁 out like a lamb 🐑 or the other way round (English saying thought to be around 17th C )(I hasten to add there are many claims to saying I just picked on the one below)

Who first said: “March comes in like a lion”?

“March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb” is an English proverb of unknown origin. It is first alluded to in print in A Wife for a Month, written in 1624 by John Fletcher (1579-1625),

Sorry just went a little off topic then, but that’s the kind of message I would send to myself. Ok here goes nudge me if I start to drift a little

Hey Young Me , it’s you older a little wiser and yes a lot bigger. I know, I look like Granny, but is that such a bad thing she was a beautiful soul, well, still is to you, cherish her and the few loved ones we have, plus you will never make her love you so don’t lose sleep or shed tears over that person 🆗. Actually please don’t chase love Ever.

I have to tell you reach out and grasp any learning you can, I know college is unavailable at the moment, but as soon as you have money spare, learn. What about? Everything, anything, take every opportunity you can and be happy don’t allow anyone to dim your light.💡. You are clever, and pretty and those awful things that happened were not your fault. Don’t waste your life looking for love it will find you and don’t let anyone ever hurt you again. Think if I made it without this advice think how high you can fly knowing this.

Allow no one to make you cry in pain or shame you don’t deserve that life. Please take this final advice. With all my heart.

So there you have it my friend the advice sent back to my teenage self, if only it was possible, but we are here to learn . No one ever said life was easy

Keep smiling 😊

Kim-Louise

All the things I wish I had thought of saying, but feel.

Did you say Budgie?🤭

Write about your approach to budgeting.

Hello Dear Reader,

At times in the past I feel my approach to budgeting has been like many countries around the world. I start with an income, expect that income to then stretch beyond any realistic total. When the figures don’t add up blame the world economy and the ozone layer.

Now I have took my head out the sand and actually written out my income (when I found it), outgoings (I must be paying for me and the entire street) cancelled a few non essential items that were frivolous (ok I have re-added food).

I then took A (income) minus B (outgoings) ‘

Result = negative equity

Ok then I shave more of the outgoings and wow on paper it balances.

Then I try to live for the month according to the number that is the BUDGET.

So far I have been trying to stay within the boundaries of the page this month. But it has not been easy, I don’t think there has ever been a time that I have not worried about money and bills.

Now I am older I find myself in the horrible situation of being disabled and unable to work, so my only money is benefits. This means that children are now adults, and I really do have to live within those numbers on that page. No holidays, well there hasn’t been for a long time , trying to redecorate my home on a shoestring, cause the Budget dictates so. Having to get a gardener in not a luxury but a necessity, eats into my budget.

I have to say I detest the word BUDGET .

I am going to claim I run my home like the UK parliament runs the UK, in deficit

I need lessons from British Gas as the reports state British Gas has announced its profits for 2023 increased 10-fold to £750m see they can budget, hey some of that is my money.

Anyway don’t do as I do stick to whatever works for you and if you haven’t found it yet, search the internet for a plethora of ideas

Many Smiles sent to you

Kim-Louise