Hello, how are you? Wow it’s been a while. So tell me what have you been doing and how is everyone?
I miss you, I love you, you are my world. In this life and the next, I will find you and destroy your happiness. He was mine till you killed our love with poison words.
That is why I love writing because WORDS are powerful, wonderful, thought provoking, exciting and so many more emotive thoughts. The written word can enrage or soothe, excite or scare, teach or spread propaganda.
Used in a positive way I find words soothe me as in song words .
I write for children with tales of wonder wrapped in fact
I write for adults of facts woven with artistic licence.
I write poetry to expand and please the mind
I write fact for us to remember lives as they were before all is lost.
I write because that’s who I am.
Write a short story a week. It’s not possible to write 52 bad short stories in a row.”
Some time has passed since we last spoke, for that I am extremely sorry. I have not been in the mood to write, if I am to be honest I am not sure where I have been or what my mind has been doing, it has been on a magical mystery tour without me. Anyway this popped up about my ideal home, well how could I not share this with you!
Firstly I live in two worlds and the one I know the best is inside my head . When writing ✍🏽 it is a retreat for me, and it comes from something said when I was young. Overhearing an adult saying that I had my head in the clouds I started constructing my own castle in the clouds.
This castle has never changed in its design and is to be honest basic except for the book collection which covers 50% of the castle walls with a ladder that encircles all of the bookcases on a track.
I sit on this huge window ledge writing , painting and sewing happy and in peace.If it’s cold there is a roaring fire in a magnificent fireplace , if warm the window is open and I hear birds singing.
It reminds me of certain Disney films and some fairytales but not in cartoon form. All I can say it’s there I go when looking for ideas , peace, escapism.
Here in the real physical, actual world, oh I have a dream don’t we all? To live in the perfect house suitable for my needs that would be a wow.
My bungalow.
Here I go firstly a bungalow, but not a small one on a housing estate. I dream of having one that allows my wheelchair to go through the front door, wide spacious entrance hall, with a large living room to display my collectibles. Then a good sized kitchen/dining room that hopefully leads to a nice garden 🪴 patio area. All has to be wheelchair accessible as the time may come when I need the wheelchair more. Two Bedrooms, mine having an en-suite wet room/bathroom, plus walk in closet, again plenty of room to get about. The second bedroom decent size not that I anticipate guests just maybe my granddaughter occasionally.
My Libraryt
Then my pièce de résistance would be my library/ office, floor to ceiling custom built book cases with glass doors to protect the books from dust. Every subject I can think of and years of collecting rare and old books. It would just be fitting to see them in the best setting I can give them. My desk old and marked but perfect for me with its leather inlay, my pc 🖥️ on another desk with printers lying silent. The bungalow is ready to move in clean and fresh
Oh I nearly forgot in the back garden is a rather large shed but when you step inside it is a a hobby shop or craft room whatever you want to call it. All my paints and transfers are waiting for me in there
A walkway joins my chalet/bungalow to my workshop and the borders are made up of fragrant herbs, as you go down it.
A pergola covers the patio ready to provide shade in the sun. This peaceful haven is just a short wheelchair from a quaint village that has everything needed including company, not that I seek company too often. My rules change living there, if out in the village having a coffee or working on a painting or most importantly writing no mobile phone allowed, I lived without it for many years and now the thing rules my life. So my ideal dream home has a sign
Visitors please don’t bring your phones in here, they seriously damage our conversation.
I guess we all dream and dreams hurt no one, for now I give thanks I have a roof over my head and space to move. I am slowly working towards turning my home into my castle and bungalow combination, so it could be said I am living the best of two worlds in one.
Stay safe, stay happy, smile on my friends
Till we meet again
Adiós 👋 Hwyl 👋Auiho 👋 Salut,👋 Au revoir 👋Auf Wiedersehen 👋Arrivederci 👋Zàijiàn 👋 Sayōnara 👋Annyeong 👋. Do svidaniya 👋 bye🤗
Apologies if I have misspelled or missed your language out I just picked a random amount so I could say bye to all
Hello dear readers of today, have I missed some major news article regarding the future? No I didn’t think so. Let me entertain you with the of life ME
Now we have a word called yesterday, well it’s gone nothing you can do about it, it happened, move on, it’s behind you (in the words of my mental health provider). With a flick of the wrist as if pushing an imaginary past behind her, she dismissed my whole domestic violence background and other major life struggles, as if puff 💨 wow, everything would disappear. Big mistake Woman, I wasn’t alone, I had a friend with me. 1. To push my wheelchair. 2. To help me with memory and stop me from freezing up. 3. Because of my PTSD I am terrible at being alone, no change that I couldn’t be alone when out.
My friend witnessed every word said, Claire has become my friend over the years I have known her, but her official title is personal assistant (posh for carer).
So back to yesterday, gone but Hell and Damnation it is not forgotten, all our yesterdays make us who we are and are learning curves( supposed to be). Also just to be a tiny bit pedantic here but if we are to forget YESTERDAY isn’t that what history is a culmination of all of the yesterdays of the world? 🌍
Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. ‘ George Santayana
Ok moving on
Today, the Present. Well each day is a new start and it’s a chance to right wrongs , finish tasks, watch that movie you have been promising you would, but how many people make full use of each moment. We are allotted an amount of time in this world, a commodity that you cannot buy or sell, ok smart arse, yes clocks and watches etc but they don’t lengthen your life. The issue is how many people use their time to the max (I don’t). I leave so much not done even though I have plans, nothing falls into place, the harder I seem to try the worse it gets. I keep saying I just want the house and garden to look like my plans to be tidy not jumbled and bop there is always an issue. We should all be living our best life and I guarantee not many people are.
I am lucky to have a home I know that , I am lucky to have furniture to fill it and I am grateful for what I have. Becoming disabled in my late 40s and being uprooted so many times has made life so difficult. I am grateful I was able to protect my children as they asked, it cost me family and friends and I live alone now, the children have grown and I am redundant as are all parents eventually. I just would have liked my present to have been a little more settled. That’s enough of my present.
Now we go the future , who know what will happen, I don’t see peace anytime soon, I would like to see order in my life so I can concentrate on finish some of the projects I have waiting in the sidelines
I never think of the future.It comes soon enough.” – Albert Einstein.
Truth is I am not looking forward nor backward I am concentrating on now, because, yesterday is past, tomorrow is whisper away, today is all I have here in the present
With love as ever
Kim-Louise
Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.” – Buddha
Hello to one or more of you that are kind enough to drop by to read the insane ramblings from a over active mind.
Well I was purusing my messages earlier and up popped this prompt about what sacrifices have I made in life. At first I was tempted to just leave it, but it kept pulling me back. So I thought it’s my mind, and it wants to have its say. I can’t help the way it will read or what people might say.
Sometimes just sometimes, we all need to be recognised for what we have done or not done for someone else.
Now my gears are running let’s go
I have sacrificed more than I can explain in a single piece of writing (most people would be asleep with boredom after the first 15 minutes) hence. That is why I am attempting to write my book. Anyways I digress;
I have sacrificed my everything, home, health, future and happiness to protect and love people who have no idea the true horrors of a domestic violence relationship and what you go through for your children. After all it’s so true no one knows what goes on behind closed doors.
What are your thoughts on the concept of living a very long life?
Hello, yes me again.
I just stopped to talk about this concept of living a very long life, which I will add could be considered controversial.
Like all living creatures we have an allotted time span some leave earlier, which is heartbreaking 💔, others live to over 100yrs of age. None of us know when it’s our turn, what we should be asking is ;
What are your thoughts on living for today, instead of putting things off for another day or a time that may never come
Anyway going back to the question, as of today, at the age of 58, I have my funeral paid for and money to pay any outstanding debts that I may have left,
I have a body that is like a battered old car, dented, parts worn, parts broken, non replaceable. My brain is a little like the engine, due to the domestic violence and other matters I have ptsd and suffer with depression so the engine in the car has a lot of faults,electrical issues.
So in my case I personally do not like the concept of living a long life, for me it would be a long painful lonely life.
The argument for it would be if you had no illness and were in a good place, then obviously that would be different I suppose.
I think I am going to stick with my don’t put off anything till tomorrow because we may only have today in which to do it.
Do you spend more time thinking about the future or the past? Why?
Hello my friend,
I do hope you are well?
Now I admit to thinking occasionally about the past because, yes deep intake of breath, I portion blame on myself for allowing a man to act in such a manner toward me, that domestic violence took my mobility away.
Everyone thinks I am bitter towards him. I’m not I am angry at myself for not having the courage to walk away. That is why I look back sometimes at the person I lost Me.
Do I look forward to the future more more?
Not really, I am, if I’m honest a little scared what the future may or may not hold. How much has the past impacted my future it worries me, so I leave the future where it is in the future.
I think I am happiest here, now, focusing on what I have and can do.
Because the past is gone, I
The future is just a dream
What we have is the present, which in all honesty is a true gift 🎁
So I am wasting no more time on regrets or future dreams, I am living for the present
I must apologise for the title to this piece, you see when I was younger I really believed Santa Claus was real and that our political parties wanted what was best for our nation (I live in the UK 🇬🇧).
Then I got a little older and at 16 the Uk sent the Military to a political incident in the Falkland Islands,normally I would say it’s called war when missiles are fired and people die. This was under the Conservative Leadership of Margaret Thatcher.
I decided that I didn’t believe in Santa and I would be Labour if getting people killed was being a Conservative. Also unemployment was high and a lot more issues at the time.
Now go further down the line Labour, Tony Blair once one of the most popular of prime ministers this country has ever seen. But like many people before him and many more to come, ultimate power ultimately corrupts.
A quote from “the Spectator” “In crucial areas, he wanted change for change’s sake, with no thought to the long-term consequences”
It’s almost like he got up one morning and started galloping through English and European Law and decided to start the process of change to things that did not need changing.
Then there was Iraq- I will say no more on that subject only ;
There was no need
So I changed again I looked left and right and in the middle and decided, politicians are not from the same world, the ones in government that is. The ones that influence and run the country have no idea how us mere mortals survive a bleak winter, while they sit in cosy homes, not worried about counting every last penny, or can they afford some bread and milk before payday. worried about the heating bill.
So back to the beginning yes my political views have changed over time I now think Santa Claus has more chance of being real than the Bumbling Buffoons that call themselves politicians ever doing something for the people of this country unless it suits an agenda for themselves.
Oops don’t forget the latest one changes the law to suit himself and tries to stamp out freedom of speech.
From now on I vote Santa at least he gives and doesn’t take, take, take
You get to build your perfect space for reading and writing. What’s it like?
Dear friend,
The very thought of building my own space for reading and writing has been in my head for as long as I can remember.
I always wanted a dedicated room for my books, my own library. Wall to wall book shelves with a desk sitting sideways into the room so I can look out of the window.
Actually I have upgraded my plans since I first made them to include a second desk back to back, one for pc and one for writing ✍🏽.
The room will be white with a plain carpet and will have a couple of bucket seats to finish the room.
That is my ideal quiet place to study and read,
Since I was a child I have dreamt of this, oh I have amassed a sizeable amount of books for my library on most topics. I have my desks and pc plus I am writing more.
All I need is the room and at last slowly and painfully I am putting a room together, my dream will become my reality
This is when I say dreams do come true, I am 58 it’s been a long time, but wow, wow and I say again wow this will be my favourite, most loved room in all my house.
My own library/reading/writing space/room. My place of quiet thoughts
It’s so good to have caught you at this busy time of year, thank you for sparing the time to stop bye and have a chat with me.
Now a year ago I’m not saying life was perfect but it was a make do Christmas because my housing association had told me to start packing as I could expect to be moved to a suitable accommodation anytime.
I am at a disadvantage in some ways people, let me explain, I can’t walk far, from my front door to the drive and into the car is probably my limit with crutches then it’s wheelchair. My home is not suitable for a wheelchair so hence the reason for the move.
So this time last year at 57 years old I had my first make do Christmas tree and none of the usual decorations out plus half of my sitting room was filled with packed boxes. It really was a mess. My actual feelings were I can’t wait for next year everything sorted and everything in its place .
Oh be careful wishing time away or expecting things to change in a particular given way sometimes raising expectations too high means when they fall they shatter.
So here I am, 2024 December, same home. Oh don’t get me wrong I feel safe here , my housing kept putting obstacles in the way of me moving. Which was silly as I was offering to go into a smaller property. Now I am stopping here, work will start in 2025 to make it suitable for my needs.
Because of my limited capabilities I am still struggling to get the house tidy the way I want it. My children have their own lives and families and I pray they never experience the sheer soul crushing loneliness I am experiencing. I have asked them for help but that was a drop in the ocean. Next I paid for help but it got to a point I couldn’t afford that anymore, my neighbour and good friend helped as much as possible but it is not finished.
I still think that the greatest suffering is being lonely, feeling unloved, just having no one… That is the worst disease that any human being can ever experience.
Mother Teresa
I never thought I would be ignoring Christmas , no tree, decorations, or any celebrations, the reason is not just I feel my home is a trash heap, I think there is a list of factors –
The proposed move that didn’t/wasn’t
Cost of living is overwhelming me
Sheer loneliness
Worn down by life and getting knocked back each and every turn
Feeling let down by life and those I love( there is a whole story to the love saga but not today)
Inability to complete basic tasks on my own due to non-ability caused by domestic violence some time ago has worn me down
To reiterate, no my life is nothing like I pictured it would be, I will add not through the lack of trying
This year I have cancelled Christmas, I can’t afford it, I don’t want to sit alone with a Christmas tree in an untidy room, in a messy house. It makes it lonelier.
I definitely am not living my life how I pictured I would be this time last year
Before I sign off I have to say this is not a pity party. This is how many people have felt for years I expect. I just felt at 58 I was too young to feel so dejected, rejected, and disconnected from my family and life in general. I was the Christmas Spirit, the one that decorated, wrapped, sparkled and shone but I guess the cost of living has pulled the plug 🔌 and my lights have gone out
Life isn’t as serious as the mind makes it out to be — Eckhart Tolle.
Hello my friends, I made it once again. Now my biggest waste of time and I hasten to add, as I am doing it I am aware I am wasting minutes, hours and then the day is done, is ;
No it’s not that simple I have to explain, I have difficulty moving around which makes me tired and some days I can’t hardly move so this is my waste of time, my mind numbing don’t think about my situation or how I came to be (ugh) disabled. Ok I will stop with the waffling and tell you.
My biggest waste of time is reels on Facebook and Instagram even Tik Tok. I spend hours watching, smiling, giggling, sighing, and learning at times all the while the hours pass.
Bucket of Smiles 