What a question, simple answer would be alive and in one piece. But there is an issue with my flippant answer. 1. Technically I am retired due to disability. 2. There lies the next issue, I am not in one piece because of the aforementioned disability.
So that changes my whole perspective on retirement, it is a scary financial time to contemplate. So on that note when retirement age descends upon me by a blessing from above it would be lovely if I didn’t have to spend my last years of life struggling like I have spent majority of my adult life. Oh I have worked, and put my heart and soul into several jobs, domestic violence robbed me of my mobility and health.
☀️☀️☀️☀️
So retirement bring me sunshine
Bring me love
Bring me happiness
Sorted my funeral, no clouds above
🌅🌅🌅🌅
You are never too old to set a new goal or dream a new dream.” —C.S. Lewis
A legacy – the long-lasting impact of particular events, actions, etc. that took place in the past, or of a person’s life ( copied from Oxford Language Dictionary)
B legacy- an amount of money or property left to someone in a will.
So I am aware of what I would like to leave as my legacy the only issue is, no matter how you go about things someone will always find a reason to put you down. Now ok I will be gone my physical body reduced to dust so why am I thinking about it because I had hoped in death I would have received better than I did in life.
So I am hoping that my written words will have an impact, a glimpse into the world of me. The words no one listened to, a poignant glimpse into the trials of who I was and survival. The comedy of life and observation of the world around me.
The other part of my legacy is my children and grandchildren to carry on their hard work. To carry forth love and laughter out onto this world
Hello to one or more of you that are kind enough to drop by to read the insane ramblings from a over active mind.
Well I was purusing my messages earlier and up popped this prompt about what sacrifices have I made in life. At first I was tempted to just leave it, but it kept pulling me back. So I thought it’s my mind, and it wants to have its say. I can’t help the way it will read or what people might say.
Sometimes just sometimes, we all need to be recognised for what we have done or not done for someone else.
Now my gears are running let’s go
I have sacrificed more than I can explain in a single piece of writing (most people would be asleep with boredom after the first 15 minutes) hence. That is why I am attempting to write my book. Anyways I digress;
I have sacrificed my everything, home, health, future and happiness to protect and love people who have no idea the true horrors of a domestic violence relationship and what you go through for your children. After all it’s so true no one knows what goes on behind closed doors.
Do you spend more time thinking about the future or the past? Why?
Hello my friend,
I do hope you are well?
Now I admit to thinking occasionally about the past because, yes deep intake of breath, I portion blame on myself for allowing a man to act in such a manner toward me, that domestic violence took my mobility away.
Everyone thinks I am bitter towards him. I’m not I am angry at myself for not having the courage to walk away. That is why I look back sometimes at the person I lost Me.
Do I look forward to the future more more?
Not really, I am, if I’m honest a little scared what the future may or may not hold. How much has the past impacted my future it worries me, so I leave the future where it is in the future.
I think I am happiest here, now, focusing on what I have and can do.
Because the past is gone, I
The future is just a dream
What we have is the present, which in all honesty is a true gift 🎁
So I am wasting no more time on regrets or future dreams, I am living for the present
Happy New Year, this is day one of 2025 and the first year I have decided not to make any resolutions.
There are a few reasons for my decision, number one being they don’t last. I actually feel I have enough challenges ahead of me without putting anymore strain on myself.
I have a list as long as my arm some personal, some things that have to be achieved. But nevertheless all are to me big challenges for someone in my position.
When I share parts of my life it’s never for sympathy or compassion, plus I am aware that there are people far worse off than I am. I guess it all depends on where you live in this world as to how you live your life, what your home is like, running water, shops or not.
I live in the UK, my life has been a whirlwind of destruction, from the age of 12-13 till now at 58. I can remember all the good things but sometimes it’s like looking through a mist to find them. Because of the Domestic Violence I have been through.
1. Now my challenges I face are after being moved and moved by police for safety, I have never allowed myself to settle and call a place home, now the children are grown and left to start there own families , it’s time for me to accept this town and place and make it my home. So now I find myself with a place that has some heart in it but nothing is as it should be. My house is a disaster zone not a home. I have this huge challenge to turn this place into the home I want to live in and be happy with on a budget of £5 and two buttons
2. Second challenge. Due to disability I’m limited to what I can move/lift even knowing if I can stay awake longer than an hour so that’s a challenge in itself. I have to find a way of not battling this but working with it , not blaming my ex but taking back control and pacing myself so that if today is a wipe-out ok no worries here’s hoping tomorrow is better. Make no plans and go with whatever I can cope with. I have had a long time to try and manage this but the GP surgery has been less than helpful, until recently. Now with a fresh approach in my mind I’m changing this challenge from a mountain to climb to a hill to come down. As it feels like I have been stuck on a hilltop alone for so long,battling several things now I am coming down and finding myself own way that’s my challenge
3. My third challenge has been driving me mad for a long time because I have been approaching it wrong, I have been writing for as long as I can remember and I have reams of poems, two manuscripts and a couple of children’s books to put forward to look at publishing. Obviously I have to work on them, this is where I derail my own train, so I have been told. Well I am no longer in a train I am on a huge galleon ship floating on the clouds. No rails for me to come off , no water to drown in. Because the whole thing is magical there are no planes or any type of aircraft to disturb me. So my challenge here is to smoothly sail the now still clouds and finish the edits needed as my procrastination will be dealt with in challenge 2. Making this one a much smaller hill to climb I hope.
There are plenty of challenges in life, money, disability equipment i.e wheelchair, money (oh mentioned that already), mental health, ptsd, money 😁, and on it goes.
But that’s enough for today, tomorrow I start afresh, I do hope you are having a lovely day
Describe a man who has positively impacted your life.
Hello Friend,
I felt the need to return and tell you about this man who made such a huge positive impact on my life, that sadly no man could compare to him.
My Dad, yes I know it’s easy to say ‘your dad’, please note I said Dad with pride. I did not say father. Any man can father a child in the biological sense (if able to do so medically) not all can be a Dad.
My Dad took my sister and I on when he married my mother, they went on and had a son. Dad was amazing he cared for us all even when mum left after some pretty awful things happened. Not once did he tell her to take her kids or turn on us, he provided a home, clothes, a good life.
Without this wonderful man and his love I wonder where I would be. Life has never been easy like so many of you, at least I can say my childhood and younger adulthood was amazing my children got to know their Grandad at the farm and love him almost as much as I did.
Through the curse of domestic abuse because my girls were scared and my injuries were causing my health to fail the police and social services deemed it right for us to be punished not the bully so we were uprooted from all my girls had ever known, me from friends, family and into a strange new town , by now I could no longer drive so we were stranded. So with being moved 3 times for protection, and not being allowed to contact family because one member was friends with the abuser I never got to see my Dad for the last 15yrs of his life.
I guess I had to grieve for him way before he passed away, because I had already lost him. When he died two years ago I wasn’t told , now that might seem a slightly strange comment, I assure you when people say walls have ears, and don’t trust anyone, believe them.
You may be thinking, well you were moved, no one knew where you were, wrong. my ex had found my address a few years ago but thank goodness the police had given him a warning , plus the children are adults now. Also one of my older children is in contact with a cousin who told her when Grandad, My Dad died, but she was not to tell me. That hurt so deeply. Like all things hidden they have a way of surfacing and so did my Dad’s details, the internet 🛜 keeps us informed of many things and I have always kept up with local news from my home area. When I saw Dads name I was frozen. I never got the chance to see him, but I dam well managed to go back and say my final goodbye
I have never found another man with his morals, integrity, honesty and pure loving kindness. Yes he was a religious man as in church on Sunday but that gave us a code of morals to be guided by. I know my life has been less than perfect and it grieves me but it had nothing to do with the way My Dad brought me up that was down to my poor lack of judgement and no maternal input whatsoever
Sending Smiles out through valleys over mountains tall
Just read and Share the Smiles to all.
My favourite hobby is, making, watching, using, so much to say
I love reading 📖, to date I believe I have approximately 1500 books 📚. Have I read them all? No, I have a pile of new books waiting to be read, cookery books that I flick through searching for an appropriate recipe, and various books of information as reference, so I have not read the dictionaries in 3 languages just used them for spelling words correctly. Yes I also re-read my books
I love painting, creating, craft work most types actually, my front room is at present an art studio because my shed is a mess and I simply can’t clear it on my own,
Crochet 🧶, I guess comes under craftwork but to me it is a separate hobby, I am just learning and I am quite enjoying it sat quietly at night with the tv on just making a blanket is a peaceful calming experience before bed.
I guess the absolute love above all when in the right frame of mind is writing, it may be poems or short stories or continuing with the book I am writing and one day will finish. I have to feel the words to be able to write so have taken a break for a while because I have been in a strange headspace for coming up to 18 months. But there is clearance ahead and I can go back to writing.
Lastly sitting quietly meditating and turning the noises off inside my head, dulling the pain inside my body, and breathing my way to calm and stillness
Not forgetting my Music and films and probably many other hobbies I have that I failed to mention. But that is half the fun, I open a cupboard and there is another project, like Christmas all over again.
I have time for all these hobbies because I am unable to work due to multiple health issues .
I have cPTSD , multiple medical issues, short term memory issues, disabled, p/t wheelchair user, crutches at all other times.
Majority of issues including the need for a wheelchair caused by Domestic Abuse
Take care all, big smiles love your Diva with the wheels
What is one question you hate to be asked? Explain.
We meet once more, or are you new? I’m never sure who will stumble upon these words of mine. One thing I can add is all are welcome, pull up a crate and take a moment to allow these words to filter through, as if a group of us weary world travellers were gathered around an open fire. Enjoying each other’s tales of travel and lessons learnt from amazing folk.
I welcome majority of questions, as that is how people learn, but when asked why am I in a wheelchair, that’s ok, but to keep pushing for more info with
Why? Why? WHY?
I have already said mostly due to DV (domestic violence) and then the
Why did you stay with him?
Don’t you think I ask myself that over, and over. But until you have lived my life, walked in my shoes & tied the laces up I can’t and don’t want to keep repeating the same thing over and over. Hell if I could have escaped before I would have, life is never black and white there are the grey areas and off white places that are hard to explain. We are all human and make mistakes and my mistake cost me a large part of my life but I am still here.
So be careful questions can be healthy, just understand cut off signs. Have a little empathy for people and to other people don’t be so dam moronic with what you ask or how you ask it
Bucket of Smiles 