Hello, how are you? Wow it’s been a while. So tell me what have you been doing and how is everyone?
I miss you, I love you, you are my world. In this life and the next, I will find you and destroy your happiness. He was mine till you killed our love with poison words.
That is why I love writing because WORDS are powerful, wonderful, thought provoking, exciting and so many more emotive thoughts. The written word can enrage or soothe, excite or scare, teach or spread propaganda.
Used in a positive way I find words soothe me as in song words .
I write for children with tales of wonder wrapped in fact
I write for adults of facts woven with artistic licence.
I write poetry to expand and please the mind
I write fact for us to remember lives as they were before all is lost.
I write because that’s who I am.
Write a short story a week. It’s not possible to write 52 bad short stories in a row.”
A legacy – the long-lasting impact of particular events, actions, etc. that took place in the past, or of a person’s life ( copied from Oxford Language Dictionary)
B legacy- an amount of money or property left to someone in a will.
So I am aware of what I would like to leave as my legacy the only issue is, no matter how you go about things someone will always find a reason to put you down. Now ok I will be gone my physical body reduced to dust so why am I thinking about it because I had hoped in death I would have received better than I did in life.
So I am hoping that my written words will have an impact, a glimpse into the world of me. The words no one listened to, a poignant glimpse into the trials of who I was and survival. The comedy of life and observation of the world around me.
The other part of my legacy is my children and grandchildren to carry on their hard work. To carry forth love and laughter out onto this world
Describe a man who has positively impacted your life.
Hello Friend,
I felt the need to return and tell you about this man who made such a huge positive impact on my life, that sadly no man could compare to him.
My Dad, yes I know it’s easy to say ‘your dad’, please note I said Dad with pride. I did not say father. Any man can father a child in the biological sense (if able to do so medically) not all can be a Dad.
My Dad took my sister and I on when he married my mother, they went on and had a son. Dad was amazing he cared for us all even when mum left after some pretty awful things happened. Not once did he tell her to take her kids or turn on us, he provided a home, clothes, a good life.
Without this wonderful man and his love I wonder where I would be. Life has never been easy like so many of you, at least I can say my childhood and younger adulthood was amazing my children got to know their Grandad at the farm and love him almost as much as I did.
Through the curse of domestic abuse because my girls were scared and my injuries were causing my health to fail the police and social services deemed it right for us to be punished not the bully so we were uprooted from all my girls had ever known, me from friends, family and into a strange new town , by now I could no longer drive so we were stranded. So with being moved 3 times for protection, and not being allowed to contact family because one member was friends with the abuser I never got to see my Dad for the last 15yrs of his life.
I guess I had to grieve for him way before he passed away, because I had already lost him. When he died two years ago I wasn’t told , now that might seem a slightly strange comment, I assure you when people say walls have ears, and don’t trust anyone, believe them.
You may be thinking, well you were moved, no one knew where you were, wrong. my ex had found my address a few years ago but thank goodness the police had given him a warning , plus the children are adults now. Also one of my older children is in contact with a cousin who told her when Grandad, My Dad died, but she was not to tell me. That hurt so deeply. Like all things hidden they have a way of surfacing and so did my Dad’s details, the internet 🛜 keeps us informed of many things and I have always kept up with local news from my home area. When I saw Dads name I was frozen. I never got the chance to see him, but I dam well managed to go back and say my final goodbye
I have never found another man with his morals, integrity, honesty and pure loving kindness. Yes he was a religious man as in church on Sunday but that gave us a code of morals to be guided by. I know my life has been less than perfect and it grieves me but it had nothing to do with the way My Dad brought me up that was down to my poor lack of judgement and no maternal input whatsoever
It’s so good to have caught you at this busy time of year, thank you for sparing the time to stop bye and have a chat with me.
Now a year ago I’m not saying life was perfect but it was a make do Christmas because my housing association had told me to start packing as I could expect to be moved to a suitable accommodation anytime.
I am at a disadvantage in some ways people, let me explain, I can’t walk far, from my front door to the drive and into the car is probably my limit with crutches then it’s wheelchair. My home is not suitable for a wheelchair so hence the reason for the move.
So this time last year at 57 years old I had my first make do Christmas tree and none of the usual decorations out plus half of my sitting room was filled with packed boxes. It really was a mess. My actual feelings were I can’t wait for next year everything sorted and everything in its place .
Oh be careful wishing time away or expecting things to change in a particular given way sometimes raising expectations too high means when they fall they shatter.
So here I am, 2024 December, same home. Oh don’t get me wrong I feel safe here , my housing kept putting obstacles in the way of me moving. Which was silly as I was offering to go into a smaller property. Now I am stopping here, work will start in 2025 to make it suitable for my needs.
Because of my limited capabilities I am still struggling to get the house tidy the way I want it. My children have their own lives and families and I pray they never experience the sheer soul crushing loneliness I am experiencing. I have asked them for help but that was a drop in the ocean. Next I paid for help but it got to a point I couldn’t afford that anymore, my neighbour and good friend helped as much as possible but it is not finished.
I still think that the greatest suffering is being lonely, feeling unloved, just having no one… That is the worst disease that any human being can ever experience.
Mother Teresa
I never thought I would be ignoring Christmas , no tree, decorations, or any celebrations, the reason is not just I feel my home is a trash heap, I think there is a list of factors –
The proposed move that didn’t/wasn’t
Cost of living is overwhelming me
Sheer loneliness
Worn down by life and getting knocked back each and every turn
Feeling let down by life and those I love( there is a whole story to the love saga but not today)
Inability to complete basic tasks on my own due to non-ability caused by domestic violence some time ago has worn me down
To reiterate, no my life is nothing like I pictured it would be, I will add not through the lack of trying
This year I have cancelled Christmas, I can’t afford it, I don’t want to sit alone with a Christmas tree in an untidy room, in a messy house. It makes it lonelier.
I definitely am not living my life how I pictured I would be this time last year
Before I sign off I have to say this is not a pity party. This is how many people have felt for years I expect. I just felt at 58 I was too young to feel so dejected, rejected, and disconnected from my family and life in general. I was the Christmas Spirit, the one that decorated, wrapped, sparkled and shone but I guess the cost of living has pulled the plug 🔌 and my lights have gone out
Sending Smiles out through valleys over mountains tall
Just read and Share the Smiles to all.
My favourite hobby is, making, watching, using, so much to say
I love reading 📖, to date I believe I have approximately 1500 books 📚. Have I read them all? No, I have a pile of new books waiting to be read, cookery books that I flick through searching for an appropriate recipe, and various books of information as reference, so I have not read the dictionaries in 3 languages just used them for spelling words correctly. Yes I also re-read my books
I love painting, creating, craft work most types actually, my front room is at present an art studio because my shed is a mess and I simply can’t clear it on my own,
Crochet 🧶, I guess comes under craftwork but to me it is a separate hobby, I am just learning and I am quite enjoying it sat quietly at night with the tv on just making a blanket is a peaceful calming experience before bed.
I guess the absolute love above all when in the right frame of mind is writing, it may be poems or short stories or continuing with the book I am writing and one day will finish. I have to feel the words to be able to write so have taken a break for a while because I have been in a strange headspace for coming up to 18 months. But there is clearance ahead and I can go back to writing.
Lastly sitting quietly meditating and turning the noises off inside my head, dulling the pain inside my body, and breathing my way to calm and stillness
Not forgetting my Music and films and probably many other hobbies I have that I failed to mention. But that is half the fun, I open a cupboard and there is another project, like Christmas all over again.
I have time for all these hobbies because I am unable to work due to multiple health issues .
I have cPTSD , multiple medical issues, short term memory issues, disabled, p/t wheelchair user, crutches at all other times.
Majority of issues including the need for a wheelchair caused by Domestic Abuse
Take care all, big smiles love your Diva with the wheels
Well here we are again, enjoying the last few days of February, waiting to see how March bursts upon us, will it be the proverbial in like a lion 🦁 out like a lamb 🐑or the other way round (English saying thought to be around 17th C )(I hasten to add there are many claims to saying I just picked on the one below)
Who first said: “March comes in like a lion”?
“March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb” is an English proverb of unknown origin. It is first alluded to in print in A Wife for a Month, written in 1624 by John Fletcher (1579-1625),
Sorry just went a little off topic then, but that’s the kind of message I would send to myself. Ok here goes nudge me if I start to drift a little
Hey Young Me , it’s you older a little wiser and yes a lot bigger. I know, I look like Granny, but is that such a bad thing she was a beautiful soul, well, still is to you, cherish her and the few loved ones we have, plus you will never make her love you so don’t lose sleep or shed tears over that person 🆗. Actually please don’t chase love Ever.
I have to tell you reach out and grasp any learning you can, I know college is unavailable at the moment, but as soon as you have money spare, learn. What about? Everything, anything, take every opportunity you can and be happy don’t allow anyone to dim your light.💡. You are clever, and pretty and those awful things that happened were not your fault. Don’t waste your life looking for love it will find you and don’t let anyone ever hurt you again. Think if I made it without this advice think how high you can fly knowing this.
Allow no one to make you cry in pain or shameyou don’t deserve that life. Please take this final advice. With all my heart.
So there you have it my friend the advice sent back to my teenage self, if only it was possible, but we are here to learn . No one ever said life was easy
Keep smiling 😊
Kim-Louise
All the things I wish I had thought of saying, but feel.
I think I have been writing long enough to go from calling you a reader to a friend, after all we share our thoughts and lives with each other.
I read the prompt several times and decided that by the use of the word best and gift puts a huge difference on the answer. I was going to answer along the lines of greatest gift but that would have changed the prompt completely. So that is one to bore you another day 🤭.
Best” is the more general term; it's the highest degree of anything positive. “Greatest” is more apt when we want to indicate size, distinction or renown. “Greatest” may be an overstatement when applied to everyday things.22 Mar 2016
My Best Gift Ever was when I was about 7 or 8 looking back I can still feel the magic in the air. It was Christmas Eve and I found a letter off Santa in my sack. Your main present is in the pantry ho ho ho. Merry Christmas love Santa x
I rushed out to the pantry there was this bike with a bell 🛎️ for me, my first 🚲 bicycle . Now I can tell you it was an old third bike that my step dad had lovingly cleaned and polished that old bike and sprinkled it with care. Nothing in life has made me as happy as this gift did. It wasn’t because we couldn’t afford new, it was because he knew this bike would be scraped and marked. Around the farm it would be filthy. He seemed to know it was part of a bigger plan ,
All these yrs later approaching 50 to be honest I think about that gift, it really was the Best Gift I have ever received, given to me by the Greatest Gift I was lucky enough to have in my life My Step Father. See that’s the difference between Best and Greatest…….
If you had to give up one word that you use regularly, what would it be?
Hello all, or one, or just me musing to myself. I have had a break from here for a while, too much going on, mostly in my head, but that is quite often the case. Dramas, crisis, mountains to molehills. Anyway I always pop on and have a look see what’s occurring and todays little prompt, prompted me to ….return……
HATE is the word I would happily give up here and now, it is a strong emotive word that evokes flashes of childlike behaviour but a mix of dark thoughts liberally sprinkling to paint a black scene.
As a child you hear the normal playground ‘I hate you, you smell’ five minutes later best friends. That is when it starts, as a teen I looked in the mirror and said aloud to an empty room I hate you, the seed is watered. I hated my hair, I hated my face, my choices, it ate away at me. And it grew stronger
I would catch site of myself and mutter go away I hate you. I found the word slipped to easy I hated food I hated places at times I hated life.
I do wonder if this negative word is what has drawn so many negative people into my life and therefore given me a negative outlook and life. I try to look on the bright side but since I have had to use a wheelchair, the bright side is behind a high wall and just can’t see over it . So I hate the wheelchair, see on and on it goes.
The word HATE is one that serves no purpose for me I have learnt after many years and many tears to look into a mirror into my own eyes and change my words to –
“Hey Good Looking” “What’s up Buttercup, You Look Pretty Good Today” a different approach in words has made me feel a million times better well ok at least 1000 times better
Positive words positive thoughts.
Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that. -Martin Luther King Jr
Bucket of Smiles 