Posted on by wheelingonrainbows · 1 Comment

Happy Shiny People are my type

Who are your favorite people to be around?

Hello my friend

Can I just say the title they don’t have to be shiny because that might be strange almost alien 👽 like, so stick to what is written BeLoW.

Let’s get straight into it today, the prompt that is. Who are my favourite people to be around? Simple, happy 😃, optimistic, people with enough intelligence to hold a conversation, people that have empathy and are kind, but have that witty spark ⚡️. People who suddenly burst into a one line of a song because maybe a word has reminded them of the song 🎶 or a colour or anything. The sort of people who you wouldn’t put together as a group, but that’s the best group, age, colour, creed nor gender matter when you have happiness in your heart you just radiate sunshine that spreads to everyone around you

My tagline is Kim-Louise, Spreading Smiles. I have used that for many years, partly because happy people make better choices in life. So smile and share some of that glow

Sending Smiles Across the Miles

Kim-Louise

Posted on by wheelingonrainbows

Don’t do what I did

I just could not stand the thought of another raised voice, a painful moment, not being able to do the things that I loved. Always feeling judged, lonely, and unloved, no make that unlovable. It took a lifetime to tip me over the edge, but I slid into a spiral. I felt like was sliding and spinning out of control, my actions were not me but I just wanted to sleep, FOREVER

The safety net that I carefully had built to protect myself from harm, disappeared that day, non-contactable. No one was to blame but my own Mental State, I looked at the tablets and they just seemed to fall into my hands and I didn’t care about anything. The only thing that mattered to me was to take as many tablets as I could before I fell asleep and then I would be at peace.

In my sleepy stupor, I sent 3 text messages saying I love you, take care. One person realised it was out of character and rang me, my best friend, she had been out that day and missed my call but just received my text. She played Guardian Angel that day, calling an ambulance and rallying troops. I admit I was not grateful because I wanted to die, to sleep eternally. I was angry. How dare these people interfere with my wishes, they don’t know what has happened to me in my life.

Ok, so I am thoughtless, uncaring and selfish. I am weak, ungrateful and irresponsible. How dare I try to end a life that is so precious when people are trying to dearly hang on to theirs. I agree but you see this is where Mental Health issues kick in, I didn’t do this to come back on a cry for help, nor for a pity party. I am so tired of living in a body that does not function properly and a mind that is still troubled with PTSD all through domestic violence. I am not me anymore, I cannot do what I used to do and I am 57 not in my 80s yet. I have been like this since 2009, I probably have been in this spiral for a long time it just took a disagreement with one of my adult children and I hit rock bottom, and I lost sight of my light.

Now the aftermath of this is obvious, I am here unless I am a Ghost Writing this. got to get a smile into the gloom. I know I was in a bad way one of my daughters was with me and she said I was rushed into the resuscitation room and she was ushered into the family room with her friend. Quite matter of fact she informs me that is when the world stopped, for half an hour her head didn’t think straight, her stomach churned and she thought of her children. what would she say to them and time slowed to almost nothing. This didn’t affect me, strange because I love my children and grandchildren, but I had no emotions.

That afternoon and evening whilst the nurses and doctors fought to save me, something died in me, and what rose from the ashes of the thorns that had surrounded me for so long was a new understanding of the darkness that lives inside of us all. I never would have thought that I would ever have done something so awful as that when actually, my life was not even my own, pain controlled me, and memories stopped me from living my life. I had spent my life feeling unloved, no unloveable, where actually it was my fault because I did not love myself.

How the hell could I love myself when I never remember my mother saying a nice thing to me. Now I feel sad that I took that overdose, I feel for anyone that feels the need to reach for an ending to life, it’s not the answer honestly.

I kept being asked, “Did you mean to do it?” “Yes” is the answer

“Was it a cry for help “No” is the answer

“are you going to do it again” ” I can honestly say NO because it is, not my time yet”

From now on Domestic Violence, PTSD and disability and now the Suicide attempt are there as mountains I have overcome and this last experience I am still recovering from it. I just want to say don’t ever feel alone build a net make it strong if things are bad there are always people to ring or contact on the internet. I couldn’t list all that’s available just in the UK so just the NHS guidelines of where to go and the Samaritans are below. A search on the internet and you will find the relevant helplines for your areas and country.

Now I am the creator of a Bucket of Smiles and that is my theme from now on I want, no I will be making buckets of smiles every day to send out to share, look out for updates

Kim Louise is back and no longer wearing a crown of thorns that was placed on me as a child, and that has grown with me all my life, now the thorns have turned to dust and a beautiful wreath of smiling pansies and rosebuds encircles my head and a true smile I can wear, because let the haters hate be they Family, Friends or Joe & Karen Public. I have spent my life doing what has been expected of me, yes sir, no ma’am, always happy to help. when I became disabled suddenly, I was no longer useful, I couldn’t give lifts (couldn’t drive), couldn’t bake cakes, way too ill. the list went on. Now I am only going to do what gives me pleasure in life and what is good for me. Not on a selfish note just a self-preservation for my mental health. If I can help you I will, If I can say anything that might help I will, but no longer can I continue to be knocked down for other people’s fun.

Sending Smiles to you all

Kim Louise

Help in the UK

Samaritans https://www.samaritans.org https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/talk-us-phone/

https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/mental-health-services/where-to-get-urgent-help-for-mental-health/

Posted on by wheelingonrainbows

I am but one voice

So staring at this blank screen is like staring at my life,

The past once so full and rich has gone, cut off with a knife.

A Metaphor you’re thinking for something I have lost,

No, my dear, I can answer, a knife, a boot, but a fist the most.

I am now invisable, a remnant of myself,

left broken and alone gathering dust upon a shelf.

Domestic Violence is a crime and should be punished I agree,

But with PTSD and left disabled, alone in another town why should it be me?

Bitterness has turned to please Karma where have you gone?

Have you abandoned me also? I have been alone for, oh, so very long.

Or do I not exist, from the time he walked out the door?

I want to be seen, my story told, no longer invisible, it’s time now to be bold.

Take a stand, well a wheelchair for me, Abuse and Violence needs to stop NOW.

I am but one voice lost , my children and I were moved safely somehow.

We are lucky, some are not, I am not complaining , I’m alive.

Its heartbreaking to think of those that don’t survive.

So if you have been affected, or feel the pain in some way

Don’t you think its time we stood together united have our say.

Man or woman it matters not bullying should be no more

Life should be for love and laughter, show hatred out, shut the door.

Kim Louise 2021

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Night of the patient Outpatient overload

Hello, it’s me, wow what a time I have had. Would be good to say I enjoyed it but no the opposite is the truth. The story thus far:

After feeling drained and under the weather since Christmas, on a Sunday a few weeks back my girls had a disagreement, one more vocal than the other. Actually, if I am, to be honest, the one being very vocal, using extremely harsh words, and the shouting was awful and this aggravates my PTSD, I had to raise my voice to make her leave the room, which always upsets me and brings on headaches. Later that day I felt like a balloon burst inside my head, I heard the noise and slowly things faded away. I shuffled to my bed and spoke to one of my girls, then the next thing I knew I had Paramedics surrounding me. I found it difficult to understand what was going on or to make them understand me, I knew who my family were so why did they keep saying she won’t recognise anyone. Decision made hospital was required, that will stay with me as the night of the patient outpatient overload.

Worcester Hospital A&E was groaning, bricks and mortar being forced apart at every join, ambulances arriving, bodies piling, no room to be seen. Corridors full, Ambulances stood still, triage to be assessed whilst still on board. Nurses feet were dashing, Dr’s stethoscope flashing and x-ray hadn’t slowed down for hours.

I lay on this trolley saying take me home I’m ok, nothing wrong with me this day, my family just shook their heads and said mum just lie still. Hours passed trolleys moved, patients came and some they went. Still, I lay there, the nurse then Dr, CT scan I think you need, results come back you have had a little bleed, well that took the smile off my face and made me want to cry “not again” “I’ve been there before” but I smile and said what now then Doc, Admittance to the stroke ward when a bed is free but the hospital is busy not easy, so sorry, he said and I felt for the staff, deeply .

You have had a stroke – NOooooo I am only 51

No stroke It is an aneurysm(a blood clot) in an unusual place – wow I had this 8 yrs ago

it has burst no

this how the conversations were going and after 5 days I was allowed home with no answers and just a QE Birmingham app will follow this up now.

Stranded, Isolated, Scared, Concerned.

My discharge sheet is a bunch of contradictions and some bizarre medications that I definitely don’t take. So I wait for a letter with what may or may not be a ticking time bomb in my head. Because the NHS dying, the nurses are run off their feet and work long hours, lay quietly the conversations are amazing, one nurse left because she earns more in retail and working fewer hours, others work agency because the pay is better. A nurse travels from Bristol to Worcester several days a week, she is an agency nurse I will say a fantastic nurse at that. Where are our nurses? who knows. Our NHS is in need of some medical help, I met some fantastic nursing staff but when you there and A&E is overflowing literally out through the doors, both sides of the corridor is full and some of the side corridors it is not acceptable to the staff or patients.

These problems have been exasperated by the closure of local A&E department in other hospitals again due to the ever decreasing money pit available to the NHS.

The question I ask myself is who is to blame?

is it the Government should they give more money to the NHS?

is it the influx of immigrants putting a massive strain on an already tight budget?

is it the mismanagement of funds within the NHS i.e. too many managers, not enough workers?

There has to be a way to bring our NHS back to life. Peoples health is suffering because hospitals are not able to fully do the job they need to, in many cases its patch up and ship out, obviously, I am talking about my experience in one hospital and times I have been told of others having issues and Gp’s well that’s another story.  ..

So here I am PTSD spiking, head is aching, snow is melting, and I am so so cold but I am going to leave you with a smile and just a thought, yesterday is passed, tomorrow is just a promise, but today is here so enjoy, I am so grateful that I am here and breathing.

#WorcesterRoyalHospital #hospital #nurses #NHS #stroke #aneurysm #PTSD

Posted on by wheelingonrainbows

Ideas flood a mind in a body broke

Too many ideas flood my mind.

I’m guessing it’s cause I’m sat on my behind

Words to be written 1000’s to pour out

|Then there’s the painting, drawing, charcoals, so many I shout.

Craftwork crochet? no knitting, no sewing I think!!

Oh, and scenes to make of miniature worlds fantasy to shrink.

Reading books stacked high, courses to start.

A language to learn, no I’m not smart.

All this time I struggle, my body it aches.

Stops me from moving, oh and keeps me awake.

My body is damaged, it doesn’t matter how.

Dwelling on the past won’t help now.

So, a bucket list firstly of what I want to achieve

A timetable, flexible so all projects have a chance to take seed.

The budget, beastly word but time to get tough.

I guess my finances need sorting, they do look a bit rough.

A calendar or diary for appointments and such

Well, I might get invited to lunch, you never know my luck.

What else can I work on in my aim to improve,

Oh no! Oh well, weight and how do I lose

I’m going to share my opinions on anything I like.

Customer service to memories of my Yamaha Bike.

The lyrics of a current favourite song or a film review

BECAUSE I CAN AT LAST DO WHAT I WANT TO DO…

Kim Louise 2016

Words from a domestic abuse victim, no not victim, Victor. Life suppressed for many years till now free but the body is broken and the mind free, no escaping so I thought, but there is always a way and this is my way.

pexels-photo-414551.jpeg

Posted on by wheelingonrainbows

Nervous or just plain scared stupid

What makes you nervous?

Hi 👋

I just dropped by to say I’m still around, although at times I do wonder where I actually am. Usually stuck in my own head, trying to block pain and coping with PTSD . I manage most of the time by wearing my happy face , just sometimes that face has to go in for repair hence my absence from here for a while.

What makes me nervous? Many things, if I am to be honest. I won’t bore you with my trauma as everyone has their own trauma of some kind to deal with and if you say ‘ well I don’t have any’ well gosh where have you been living and can I move in please 😉

Anyway I digress what makes me nervous picking the first one that I struggle with, the DARK. Yes the night or dark places I feel my heart beating so fast it jumps into my throat and my stomach shrivels to the parched remains of a catfish in the desert after 3 months of no water.

Ok a little over the top but along those lines . I have good valid reasons. Of that I can assure you.

Question why is the silence louder the darker it is?

Why is your heart beat so loud that it can echo in a room giving away your location? Well the second one is not really a question it’s just feels like it is beating loudly .

Ok that’s all for now folks

Bye

Oh and Keep on Smiling 😊

Posted on by wheelingonrainbows · 2 Comments

Repeat Repeatedly, repeatedly repeat.

What movies or TV series have you watched more than 5 times?

Hello 👋 again

I repeat Hello 👋 again.

I don’t think I have ever been a goggle box, square eyes 👀 person. To watch a series once is ok maybe even good, twice would have to be amazing, but never any more.

As for films 🎥, there are a few I may have watched 3 times but I have a habit of falling asleep because I know what’s happening. I just am not that interested in being a slave to the black slab with moving images.

I am sure some people are hypnotised by the tv, I hear my son talking about films and I haven’t a clue what he is talking about, he flicks through a list on Prime and all I hear is, seen it, seen, seen, rubbish, good, seen. He is in his early thirties, what on earth, where does he find time? He works, plays video games on PC with mates, and watches all these films, 🍿.

My head is still back with those dam penguins from the film Madagascar

Just smile & wave boys, smile & wave

I am not a slave to the box but it seems after hearing certain films playing in the background over the years, my mind has picked up catch phrases

So after my mini growl, I have decided I can’t name something I have watched more than five times, but when you get to asking about books then my full attention and excitement will be unleashed

Till then

✋🏼 see you soon or not

Kim-Louise

Posted on by wheelingonrainbows

Just a little salt

Are you superstitious?

Hello, it’s me again.

Am I superstitious? Good question 🙋‍♀️ firstly what does it mean?

Superstitious describes a belief in chance or magic. If you’re superstitious, you may avoid walking under ladders, spilling salt, or passing black cats — all because you think they will bring you bad luck.

Plenty of people don’t think of themselves as superstitious, yet they may do things like knock on wood or refuse to open an umbrella indoors. Or they believe their team will win if they wear their lucky socks. These actions are all superstitious, demonstrating a belief based on magic or luck rather than on reason

So back to the question am I ?

Simply put and easily understandable YES 👍🏻.. judging by some or the customs I have read

So with this I wish you well and will find out how much of my life was indoctrinated with all the superstitious nonsense that hampers life . Because believe me they do annoy me and it does hamper, my mind automatically remembers things,

Magpies- always say morning magpies’.we just nf

Sending Smiles

Kim-Louise

Posted on by wheelingonrainbows · 1 Comment

My Name is;

What is your middle name? Does it carry any special meaning/significance?

Hello and welcome to the world in which I exist.

I love my middle name because it was my maternal grandmothers middle name. To me her name just rolls off my tongue, with a warm caress.

Nellie Marie Louise

I inherited the Louise for which I am so happy for. It makes up for the fact growing up I simply hated my Christian/first name Kim

The name Kim is from the Old English word, “cumb,” which means royal fortress or meadow.” Kim can also be a shortened form of the names from the Old English name Cyneburga.

Cyneburga – daughter of a king

But and I mean but it is also a unisex name in the short form and more so in the 1960s.

Also growing I had so many little songs made about my name I became very sensitive. Silly looking back but it’s all about growing into your identity.

So I am very much an Ancestry sleuth and the middle name Louise has been handed down through the family for many generations

Louise

The name Louise is primarily a female name of French origin that means Famous Warrior.Feminine form of the name Louis.

The history of Louise spans back to the early Middle Ages when the ancient saints and royal members popularized it. The 16th-century saint ‘Louise de Marillac’ was a historical personality bearing this name; she co-founded The Company of the Daughters of Charity, a group or society for women within the Catholic Church

Now I realise Louise is a common middle name, that makes no difference to me, it was my Grandmother’s and means so much. Louise is special enough for me to have given it to my eldest daughter, as her middle name

So my dilemma over not liking my first name and loving my second name was solved with a simple – . Yes I chose to write as

Kim-Louise

If you please 💜

It pleases me to hyphenate the names and makes Kim a little less austere, please remember this is how I feel and never a judgement on the actual names

Take care

Kim-Louise

Posted on by wheelingonrainbows · 1 Comment

Learning never stops

What is the last thing you learned?

Hello

Is it me you’re looking for?

No!

Ok well seeing as you stopped by just thought you might like to know the last thing I learned.

Life is a rollercoaster
Just gotta ride it

It ain’t easy to please everybody
It ain’t easy just to be yourself

So I Decided This Is The Best Advice Available

“Don’t worry about a thing
‘Cause every little thing is gonna be alright”

Law off attraction
I work for my blessings
I’m on with the seven
Those who know get the message

Thanks to Ronan Keating, Tim Feehan, Bob Marley & Asiah all of whom I have listened to recently and the words have hit bang 💥 bang 💥 bang 💥 remember my friends worrying is a futile waste of life at the end of time 🕰️ you will have worried away the years

Wow so much I am learning now daily, today was about letting stress slip away as was yesterday. The lyrics stood out as meaning something on my path in life and maybe 🤔 something resonates within you

Kim-Louise

Posted on by wheelingonrainbows · 1 Comment

Questions???

What is one question you hate to be asked? Explain.

We meet once more, or are you new? I’m never sure who will stumble upon these words of mine. One thing I can add is all are welcome, pull up a crate and take a moment to allow these words to filter through, as if a group of us weary world travellers were gathered around an open fire. Enjoying each other’s tales of travel and lessons learnt from amazing folk.

I welcome majority of questions, as that is how people learn, but when asked why am I in a wheelchair, that’s ok, but to keep pushing for more info with

Why? Why? WHY?

I have already said mostly due to DV (domestic violence) and then the

Why did you stay with him?

Don’t you think I ask myself that over, and over. But until you have lived my life, walked in my shoes & tied the laces up I can’t and don’t want to keep repeating the same thing over and over. Hell if I could have escaped before I would have, life is never black and white there are the grey areas and off white places that are hard to explain. We are all human and make mistakes and my mistake cost me a large part of my life but I am still here.

So be careful questions can be healthy, just understand cut off signs. Have a little empathy for people and to other people don’t be so dam moronic with what you ask or how you ask it

Speak soon I hope

Kim-Louise

Posted on by wheelingonrainbows

Welcome to my World

You’re writing your autobiography. What’s your opening sentence?

Welcome to my world, a life filled full of wonder & of awe, stopping the laughter, I look toward my wheelchair and whisper,let’s dispense with further lies.

Posted on by wheelingonrainbows

World of Words

If you could permanently ban a word from general usage, which one would it be? Why?

Hello my friend,

What a conundrum I have over this question, it reminds me of a poem I wrote sometime ago;

http://www.kimlouisepoems.com/

⬆️to find more of my poetry , granted website in dire need of an upgrade, which is on a list of must dos, somewhere

I am passionate about words, yes even the bad ones (swear and slang). Words are an expression of how we feel. Maybe a person doesn’t use words the way you do, fine, there could be many reasons, from the type of schooling received to area they live, people they mix with. So many factors involved around speech and language, please don’t confuse those two previous factors with actual WORDS.

Words are fascinating and I don’t think any should be banned, there is a rich history behind the words we speak, and shockingly some of the words we classify as awful swear words originated as medical terminology such as it was. I would never ban a word because that means we lose part of our heritage….

 Baboonery: foolishness; stupidity; nonsense

Gardyloo: used in medieval Edinburgh as a warning cry when it was customary to throw slops from the windows into the streets

Gadzooks: mild oath

Whippersnapper: a young person considered to be presumptuous or overconfident

Chicken-headed. Ignorant, foolish

Nefarious: Wicked, villainous, despicable.

Just an example of some wonderful words that have or are slowly disappearing from the English Language. People think should, could, would, why and yeah, plus hundreds of slang words should disappear, I don’t agree, words are like pearls the more you learn the more you want to learn. Like Pearls of Wisdom.

I am even pro swear words for the simple reason the history that they carry, some traceable to Egyptian and Sanskrit so thousands of years. Don’t worry I won’t start swearing today , yes I promise.🤞🏻.

People have been swearing since language evolved. This has been checked with those awful things called statistics with evidence suggesting 58% of the population swears “sometimes” or “often” and less than 10% of the population report “never” or “rarely” swearing.

Wow now that’s a good short word so rather than ban a word why not learn a word a day that will give you appreciation for this wonderful world and our beautiful language whatever language that may be 😀

This is from Dictionary.com

WORD OF THE DAY KISMET

  •  kiz-met, 
  • noun
  • fate; destiny. (Meaning)
  • First recorded in 1840–50.
  • Comes from Turkish ultimately from Arabic qisma, qismat-, meaning “division, portion, lot, fate.”
  • Although a term from Islam, kismet is popularly used to refer to something that one believes was meant to be or the reason why such a thing happened.

EXAMPLES OF KISMET

  • The unexpected encounter with an old friend at the airport felt like kismet.
  • As he stood on the stage, delivering his award-winning speech, he couldn’t help but feel that kismet had guided him to this moment.

Well at this point if you have read all this well done. 👏. I hope you understand where my passion is coming from

Words,

Come so easy to me.

I think you understand,

Yes you see.

Expression of words,

Is an art we must keep.

Don’t shut your eyes,

Yes I see ignorance creep..

Kim-Louise 2024

What do I mean – if we don’t learn we can plead we didn’t know, which is pleading ignorance, so don’t lose the elusive words learn a new word a day.

Sorry daily prompt I did the opposite of what you asked

Well I have to go

Sending smiles across the miles

Kim-Louise

Posted on by wheelingonrainbows

A Word Sent Back

What advice would you give to your teenage self?

Dear Friend

Well here we are again, enjoying the last few days of February, waiting to see how March bursts upon us, will it be the proverbial in like a lion 🦁 out like a lamb 🐑 or the other way round (English saying thought to be around 17th C )(I hasten to add there are many claims to saying I just picked on the one below)

Who first said: “March comes in like a lion”?

“March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb” is an English proverb of unknown origin. It is first alluded to in print in A Wife for a Month, written in 1624 by John Fletcher (1579-1625),

Sorry just went a little off topic then, but that’s the kind of message I would send to myself. Ok here goes nudge me if I start to drift a little

Hey Young Me , it’s you older a little wiser and yes a lot bigger. I know, I look like Granny, but is that such a bad thing she was a beautiful soul, well, still is to you, cherish her and the few loved ones we have, plus you will never make her love you so don’t lose sleep or shed tears over that person 🆗. Actually please don’t chase love Ever.

I have to tell you reach out and grasp any learning you can, I know college is unavailable at the moment, but as soon as you have money spare, learn. What about? Everything, anything, take every opportunity you can and be happy don’t allow anyone to dim your light.💡. You are clever, and pretty and those awful things that happened were not your fault. Don’t waste your life looking for love it will find you and don’t let anyone ever hurt you again. Think if I made it without this advice think how high you can fly knowing this.

Allow no one to make you cry in pain or shame you don’t deserve that life. Please take this final advice. With all my heart.

So there you have it my friend the advice sent back to my teenage self, if only it was possible, but we are here to learn . No one ever said life was easy

Keep smiling 😊

Kim-Louise

All the things I wish I had thought of saying, but feel.

Posted on by wheelingonrainbows

Why waste time on boredom?

What bores you?

Well Hello my friend,

Do you have a minute or two just so that we can chat?

So gracious of you, pull up that crate and let’s have a look at this writing prompt. Now today they are asking what bores me, well I want to laugh and then chuckle, because when is there time to be bored?

From the moment I open my eyes till the time I fall asleep, there is no time for boredom in my world.

This morning for instance I was woken by the rhythm of the pouring rain. I listened for a while before getting up thinking how just possibly in a few short months the country could be calling drought, all that water power wasted, my mind boggled.

I can watch tv for an hour, then read a book for longer, knit, sew, write, do some craft work. All the while I use crutches and wheelchair and can’t get out and about so much now, I can never honestly say I’m bored . I take photos, I love using the PC and playing games on my phone . When I am able I like to cook.

How can I be bored with so much to do, so many things to see and wow the things I still need to learn. Every day I try to learn something new, because life is short, and time is precious…I am never bored .

Slightly 😡 annoyed

Tired 🥱

Angry 😤

Sad 😞 or happy 😆,

laughing 😝

But Never ever BORED, boredom is for those that lack imagination, drive and a sense of humour..

How can she say that? Yes you sir in the back there, it’s like this, if you find the company you are in boring, maybe it’s not them it’s you who are the boring one. Did you ever think of it that way? No? Well try people watching in the group and have some fun with who will speak next why is she always tugging her ear. Become an expert on human interaction. Way too many ways to enjoy life.

Life is anything but boring

Got to go things to do

Bye bye my friend

Kim-Louise